Transformation Stories
CEO BRAKIA MOORE'S WEIGHTLOSS STORY
WRITTEN: JULY 07, 2017
So many people come up to me and ask me what motivated me to lose weight in the first place. In truth, there is not one definite answer. For me, the motivation started five years ago, at the age of sixteen. This question, instantly takes me back to a sensitive and a very dark place where I was on the verge of suicide.
Now, many people will never admit this. However, I will acknowledge and give honor to God and where he has brought me from. Nevertheless, I stood 230 pounds obese, overweight, and unhealthy. I was sixteen years old in the eleventh grade. Now, I would not necessarily say I was ever bullied, but I got picked on a LOT. Throughout my years of growing up I could not ever remember a time where I was small. I remembering at one point weighing 175 pounds in the 5th grade. So, when other kids tried to make fun of me, of course my weight was the target area.
Growing up, it was always my older sister who was the skinny, light-skinned, pretty sister and me, I was the fat, dark-skinned, not so cute sister. We used to go in stores to shop for clothes and my older sister used to pick out the cutest clothing that involved showing a lot of skin, such as tank tops. NOT ME, my whole upper body was always covered. I recall one time approximately 3rd grade fall pictures, I got upset with my mom because my sister's outfit was cuter than mine and she told me that they did not have that outfit in my size. As a child, I was an incredible cry-baby, yet with the fat jokes:“fat Albert's wife” or that I look “pregnant,”it did not seem to damage me until I got to high school. In high school and even throughout my years of college people constantly called me "flat booty" or "pancake booty." It honestly did hurt me.To my perception, they would basically tell me I was not pretty because I was not equipped with society's standard of having a big butt. Even though people did call me pretty I always felt ugly and inferior to the females who were packing the very thing I lacked.Yet, I thank God for designing me the way he did anyways because I serve a higher purpose.
At the age of 16, I recall eating massively, maybe 5 huge meals a day. Everyday I would wake up and go to school with my stomach hurting extremely bad. I did not know why. Whether I was walking or sitting down resting I could hear myself breathing really hard. I knew that was not normal because there were times when people thought they heard me snoring, when I was actually up, very alert and watching TV. I never worked out a day in my life. I did not know anything about health and eating the right foods regardless of what they taught us in school. I could only eat the foods that were cooked for me. Furthermore, in high school, I never played a sport, as a matter of fact I was a proud band geek.
As my weight began to rapidly increase, I stopped looking in the mirror because I hated what I saw. When it was time for me to shower, I always avoided the mirror. I did not love myself and I lost myself. A lot of my friends used to go out to dinner or to parties but NOT me. I was so ashamed of who I was. I had gained so much weight I did not want people who I knew to see me the way I was. I was being judged enough. I was 16 years old and people always told me that I looked like a grown woman or had mistaken me for my mom. The fact that I had to wear plus size clothing was hard enough for me to deal with. It got so bad to the point where I did not want to try on clothes anymore. I just wanted my mom to buy the clothes for me, hoping that they would fit.Furthermore, I was tremendously self conscious of my stretch marks because my body was/is covered in them. I've had them since approximately the age of 10. Because of them, I did not want to wear certain clothes that showed my shoulder,arms, etc.As a matter of fact, I did not start wearing tank tops until last summer.
At school, (high school) I was a part of a large and popular group of friends. Yet and still, I always felt like an outcast. I was a big girl so I honestly and truly could never get a boyfriend, well in my eyes perhaps. I always felt as if I was insignificant because I was obese and because I always got overlooked. My friends would leave me out of group events because I did not have a boyfriend. As a matter of fact some of my friends asked me if I was “gay” because I had never kissed a guy before, still at the age of 16. I always felt that I was last and could never finish first. At this age, of course the only thought that all girls ever thought about was how boys perceived them. Me, I was always unnoticed, no guy really ever wanted to talk to me, let alone barely even looked at me. The guys whom I called myself liked all went after my light skinned, skinny friends or my light skinned skinny sister. Then, I began to really grow self conscious about my dark skin color. (Although, yes my skin has lightened up drastically since I started losing weight and eating healthy) I stopped wanting to go to school. I would lie to my mom and tell her I was sick and really act as if I was sick, just to stay home. When I missed school, none of my 'friends' really called or checked on me to see if I was okay or why I missed school. This further made me feel like I was a nobody and that I was insignificant.
During this time, I began to lose my relationship with God, because I did not know who I was in him anymore. I forgot that I was wonderfully and beautifully made, not because of what my friends or what guys thought of me, but it was because of WHAT and WHO God said I was. I honestly felt lost trying to fit in with people who genuinely did not have my best interest. I felt that I had to constantly prove myself to them and for what reason? God made me who I was for a reason. I had a very kind and gentle heart yet no one could see this. I used to cry out to God like why me? I asked him to just take me so I would not have to endure all the internal pain.
I remember one day coming home from school and I was literally at my limit. I did not want to be on this earth anymore. I sat down in the den for hours staring at the wall crying, not moving, not saying a word. My mom came and was distraught. She did not understand what was wrong with me. She kept holding my face in her hands asking me what is wrong. After a while of trying, I finally told her that I basically wanted to die. My mom called my meme (grandmother) and told her. They sat me down and talked to me, prayed over me, and told me that I AM SOMEBODY and I WILL BE SOMEBODY. They made me realize that sometimes people pick on you because they see the greatness in you.
That day forward I rose up and I fought back. I decided that I WAS SOMEBODY and I WILL NOT let the devil continue to lie to me. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. The devil may have stole my joy, the devil may have destroyed my confidence, but the devil COULD NOT and I repeat, COULD NOT kill me or kill God's image of me. I made up my mind that in order for me to love my self and to find happiness that I first needed to get my relationship with God back on track. Secondly, I desperately wanted to lose weight. At that time, I wanted to prove to people and to myself that underneath all that fat that I am pretty. I was no longer going to be overlooked. I got my power back! I asked God to help me with my weight loss journey and I have received just what I asked. Here I am 90 pounds later writing on my own blog. It has literally took my blood, my sweat, and my tears to get to where I am today. Five years ago, I would have never saw this coming!
I am so thankful and grateful to God for continuing to give me the motivation and the dedication to keep going, It's truly an everyday struggle. So many times I've wanted to quit, and still do some days.Yet, this is a never ending journey towards greatness, towards the impossible, towards being the best that you can be mentally, physically, and spiritually. None of this could have been possible without God. Therefore, all of my honor and glory will go to HIM.
Thank you,
-Brakia